Dear Booze,
Ridding you from my life may not have changed the entire trajectory of my being, but one thing is certain: it freed me of the shackles that held me down silently.
The world is more magnificent without you. The workings of my brain, most days, run rampant without slowing—but placing my mental health first has become a steady routine. This is all thanks to you no longer orbiting my life.
During our time together, I carried this angst like a second skin. Each cycling day drew me deeper into its realm, until it enveloped so much of me that the world seemed at fault for my unhappiness, my failures, my mistakes. It wasn’t until I broke things off with you that I learned to accept my actions, and regulation finally returned.
For a decade, I envisioned a life free of you—thriving in excitement without the adrenaline you sparked, indulging in life’s beauty without your interference.
My mom would always remind me of her greatest year, her thirtieth. What a beautiful year it was—the one in which she left my father in the shadows that had traced her every step for so long.
On my thirtieth, I decided I would never pick you up and spin you round and round again. I reclaimed a confidence that continues to rejuvenate itself with every sober moment I live.
It’s been 506 days since I last felt the effects of your poison, allowed you to direct my choices, or blur my most cherished senses. Life isn’t always easy, but I would rather endure every hard day than ever live another with you in my head.
With everything in me,
CJ
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